HIGH-STAKES TESTS FOR AMERICA: How Much Damage Can Be Done?
by L Jackway
the enlightened State Department of Education, the omnipotent source of
testing strategies, are continually designing new methods of evaluating
the degree of compliance to our crafty standards. However, we are aware
that some groups of citizens have not been subjected to the present threats
associated with failure of our high-stakes tests. Therefore, we are asking
the Legislature for $10,000,000,000 to establish standards, create testing
materials and administer the following new evaluation tools:
This test will determine the success level for each state legislator
in terms of her/his positive participation in legislation designed to keep
money flowing (1) to the State Department of Education, (2) to private
and charter schools, and (3) for additional programs to increase pressure
and disgrace on our state's teachers, students and parents.
for the people at the State Department of Education
In keeping with our goal of improving education in our state and funding
the omnipotent source of the knowledge to do so, this test will evaluate
the extent to which oppressive programs and protocols are developed and
executed in the schools of our state.
enhanced version of our high-stakes test for students who passed it once
This test will attempt once again to trap the students who slipped
through the net by passing the earlier holy version of our high-stakes
test. These students must be tested again and again until they fail to
pass, otherwise the test may be judged ""too easy"" and therefore we will
look as though we have not done our job, which is: test, test, test so
we know where all students are, not that we are going to create programs
and adequately help schools so the students will pass. That''s not our
job. That''s the job of the lazy teachers.
for the Head Start children
Following the lead of President Bush, and in keeping with our recognition
that learning to read early is critical for a child''s future success,
the creation of this test will give a baseline for additional norm-referenced
testing. This test will be similar to existing standards as embedded in
the State Standards, such as: Reading: ""Students learn and effectively
apply a variety of reading strategies for comprehending, interpreting and
evaluating a wide range of texts including fiction, nonfiction, classic
and contemporary works."" We stand firm with our position that evaluating
reading proficiency cannot begin too early.
for prenatal testing of embryos
This test of readiness for reading and math will help establish a baseline
for creation of a norm-referenced battery of tests to administer to expectant
mothers. The administration of the tests will be with ultrasound. The results
of PAIMS will allow for development of standards and curricular materials
that can be used to inculcate embryonic future students with the facts
necessary to become contributing citizens in an expanding world culture.
Mothers who fail this high-stakes test will be required to delay birth
until a passing grade has been achieved.
for the genetically altered children of the future
This test will be a bold leap forward into the future and will spotlight
the State Department of Education as the outstanding generator of predetermined
educational performance standards based on our forced goals. It will be
used to identify deficient products (we used to call them 'students') of
the mechanics (we used to call them 'teachers') in the knowledge factories
(we used to call them 'schools') which we have mandated to program the
minds of the products with facts which we can then test with the other
evaluation tools in the high-stakes test set. Disposition of the identifiable
deficient products and incompetent mechanics, at this time, has not been
resolved. We will need further appropriations with which to study such